Back in the real world

So I am back in Bombay – after close to four weeks of being away in a world that was unreal, to say the very least. The doctors released me earlier than expected on account of my exemplary good behavior – and if you believe that, you will believe anything. I thought of the first day at the hospital when I was talking to the chief doctor there – I was telling her about all the other treatment systems I had tried earlier – allopathy – even surgery, accupressure, acupuncture – a few dozen needles stuck all over the body already in pain, ayurveda, Siddha, homeopathy – sometimes a combination of some of these… yoga… reiki and pranic healing. Healing with crystal and color and just prayer – the works. At some point during my “speech” I seemed to have stepped back a few paces – I listened to myself as an outsider. Have I really tried all that?

I thought about the motor-mouths who write off such systems of treatment as nonsense – think about it, it is not ignorance that leads people to try such things. It is desperation. Listening to myself, I was almost able to understand why quacks flourish all over the country… all over the world? Anything – anything to feel better.

Pain is a very very lonely place to be. I dread the questions and pearls of advice now as much as I used to dread them earlier… but you look so normal (oh, I am sorry, I just removed my pain-o-meter before you came in)… how are you feeling now (I am feeling terribly anxious and hopeless but you are never going to understand that because you see me smile now – and all the time)… you must learn to live with the pain (absolutely, I have just signed up for the course)…

Only my husband and parents, rock solid in their support. Waiting, with me, to see how this treatment works out… after continued rest and medication for a few months. I am hopeful – all those bottles of oil, the medicines, the care, the rest, the prayers….