Visitors at home look at my husband with pity, oh, you are in Bombay? You are not in the US? Worse – you are not in software…? And smile that disbelieving, even patronizing smile when he says he never wanted to live in the US. (Yes, of course, sour grapes and non software jobs – we know all about it). And they ask me to explain what my job is – I smile and tell them software. They return my smile, the relief, the comfort on their faces is palpable… My husband stares at me while I trade secret smiles with the visitors…
As they leave, I can hear them whispering to my mother in law, you are lucky your children do not live abroad… They can come to your side immediately whenever you want… It is three years since I saw my son… I don’t think sour grapes then, I can only feel sorry for them because I know that they are the ones who have forced their sons to go abroad in the first place…
The marriage market in this region is well organized, with clear structures and hierarches,and well defined money exchanges depending on the “level” of the bridegroom and his family. I am told that the software+US combination commands the highest price, I understand the earlier conversations better…
We are discussing an uncle’s hunt for a match for his son and his attempts to find something “online”. An aunt mentions that there is a tatkal scheme now available for parents seeking “immeidate alliances” for their children… For those “boys” who come from the US with a limited period of leave and with the intention of getting married in that time…
I can only think, such marriages can only be tatkal too… easy come easy go…
Tatkal system??? What will they think of next? 🙁 Some people can be even more specific – ‘so your son in law isn’t an iim grad?’.i know it’s a god insti but since when did passing out of an iim immediately make you a good spouse?
Very well said. I have myself ‘almost’ gone through meet the US guy and get married in 15 days
scenario. Luckily, my parents put their foot down before I could. IT was my relatives living in the US who has got along this proposal and were eager ‘to have me with them in the US.’
I don’t understand the logic behind ‘chat mangini and pat byah’ and so will never understand the gamble even if people give me positive examples. Yeah, from the conversation around me, I have realised that these guys are in demand and that some parents look for specific US locations and even particular job profiles (so that it will compliemnt their daughters’ career!) Indians have never been great planners, when will they realise this.
PJ
Shoefiend, oh, you’d be surprised (or maybe not) at the way even management / engineering instis sre all graded by parents of prospective brides and grooms and each has its own “price” – maybe these are better indicators of rankings than those published by business magazines 🙂
Priyanka, ouch, it can be very painful to have to go thru such a thing… stay firn girl, and dont fall for it !