Blank Noise has the blog-a-thon 2006 going, inviting stories and thoughts from people about the problem of street harassment. People, because men need to speak out on this as much as women do.
I was waiting to attend the Blank Noise meet in Bombay before I posted on this. Some thoughts from there. The idea behind Blank Noise is to raise awareness among people that we need to Say NO to street harrassment, it is not okay to harass or be harassed, even in the name of fun. It is not okay to encroach upon a woman’s personal space, in the name of checking her out or appreciating beauty. No, it is not okay when the woman feels uncomfortable by this.
So what is harassment? And what is not?
So where do we draw the line and say this is okay and this is not? Start with looking at the innocuous name given to such harassment in India – eve teasing. Uh? teasing? The unemployed Rmeo whistles at the girl, sings lewd songs at her, and in the next scene fades out with the girl and the guy singing lewd songs tgether, declaring their undying love for each other? Nope, Eve and Romeo… doesn’t work that way.
One of the things Blank Noise wants to do first is to understand exactly what constitutes harassment. Please leave your thoughts on this here and spread the word around. Eve teasing to me means *blank*
Activism is such a dirty word?
It is alright to write about it but getting down to the streets where the harassment actually takes place is not so easy for everyone. You do not have to stand in the streets and ask people questions and hand out pamphlets. be your own activist – when you see a woman get harassed, take some action. Show your support in some way. And if you want to be involved in blank noise, please get in touch with Jasmeen right away.
But what can I do about it?
I agree often there isn’t much you can do about it – in a crowded space, it is sometimes difficult to even tell who pinched or groped. But when you do know, then make a scene. Ask him ‘why are you staring a me’? I have tried this and it works. It sends the “teaser” into a tizzy. Shout if in a public place and get the attention of others.
And if you feel physically feel violated in any way, first get this clear – you are not responsible for it. It is not about the way you smile or the clothes you are wearing – it is about the fact that you are a woman and you happen to be there. I don’t know if this is supposed to make one feel better or worse, it is not about you – it could have been any woman there and then.
All that I have written, I have faced, and thought about.
And the stories….
As Annie said, karoge yaad toh har baat yaad aayegi. It just needs one person to start talking about it and then suddenly every woman has her own story to share.
After all these years, I still get disturbed when I think about this – and I do often. Twelve years old and in a crowded temple on a festival way. And a man squeezed my breasts from behind. hard, so hard that I shouted out. But I had nothing to say when my aunt asked me what had ahppened. And I saw the man. I saw him again and again. I saw the leer on his face. And I saw him come towards me a second time, and it happened a second time. And I saw him walk away. And I came home and cried unconsolably.
I am shaking with anger as I write this. What breasts does a twelve year old have, you bastard? I have noticed that I still instinctively cover my chest if I sense a stranger come too close to me, and if I am not wearing a dupatta. And I have not mentioned this to anyone in my life till now.
Walking to class at 16. Passing through a house where four teengae boys sang dirty songs every single day. Till I snapped one day. that night, they came to my house drunk and made a scene infrnt of the gate. Neighbors watching in avid curiosity, and supportive parents who threatened to cal the police. The next morning, my dad and I went to the house; the boy’s father as a well known physiotherapist, and compalined about him. The boy’s mother advised my dad to keep his girl under control. They did not sing from the next day, but I didn’t feel good about that “victory”…
And then driving classes at 19. And the scent of the male instructor as he leaned over my neck teaching me to reverse the car. That nauseous smell of coconut oil, mixed with sweat and what, lust? I snapped at him after three days and demanded a woman instructor. And he failed me in my preliminary driving test before going to the RTO. I don’t drive to this day.
Related : my earlier post on Being a female body
Technorati tag: Blogathon 2006
Hi Charu
The groping incident in the temple was really shocking. Especially considering that you were so young and pre-puberty – it is stunningly sick.
I wonder two things: First, what kind of self defense tools do women have in India? Pepper spray is a good deterent for inappropriate contact. Do most Indian woman carry pepper spray?
Second, I wonder if the problem is worse in India than other places. It might be worse for two reasons: overcrowded public transportation which helps conceal the crime and maybe also the gender segregation in schools which prevents boys from forming empathy for girls.
On the other hand, your not learning to drive really has little to do with your first driving instructor. He may have acted inappropriately but if you want to drive than you should learn. You won’t meet him again.
there are too many stories. i dont understand, still, why it happens. is it related to the seggregation of sexes, as Michael points out? or is it more related to the status of women in india. i, like any other girl in india have stories to tell. but i find, that since my move to Canada, some 4 years back, i havent even once experienced that sense of being ogled or watched or humiliated by the look in a man’s eyes. i travel by public transit and ive been to a couple of very crowded concerts, never once. then why in india? i rem a statistic of 1 in 4 being abused sexually in india, that in itself is a staggering number.
i have been following blank noise and their efforts in increasing awareness. i only hope it gets more proactive, with concrete efforts, essentially something that connects the masses and the authorities (justice system) – awareness is only the beginning, i hope. there need to be secure channels where women can express and demand action to be taken against things like these. a good start though.
Honestly, the shocking incidents I have been reading via Blank Noise Project’s efforts are indeed an eye-opener. It makes you wake up to a harsh reality about the ugliness of the world out there. I never had any sisters so I probably didn’t know the extent of street harassment. It was brave of you to come out with your stories after so many years.
Charu, The temple incident left me numb with shock. I remember being angry when I went out with my sis. Cos I was with her nothing would be said, but the looks were always there. Leery and undressing with their eyes. As Michael mentioned lack of empathy is a factor, as is the way the sexes are segregated. Power plays a role too, esp in a male dominated society. The crowded nature of public transit makes it very hard too. Raising awareness is key as is never being quiet about it. Even now when I visit India after all these years I still see it. This is a good fight and a long one.
Charu, there are way too many stories, and if I start writing about them I may not sleep tonight. I think it all boils down to one thing..people in India dont care two hoots about the law, all it takes is a phone call or a couple of hundred bucks to go home free of any guilt. Which is NOT the case in countries like United States for example..people there are more fearful of the law, they are aware of the fact that women harassement of any kind is taken seriously and punished severely..what am saying is, such psychos exist everywhere, we cannot eliminate them but we sure can curtail their behavior with a stronger jurisdiction.
Thanks for blogging about the meet, Charu. Was great to have you there.
Hi! Isn’t your not driving the first victory you cede to the perverts?
The temple incident was shocking. But even worse was the one about the teenage boys. If parents do not first teach their boys to respect women and not chide them when they behave in such an obscene manner then from where can they learn to stop? I’m surprised the boys mother was not the first to slap her son!!
Very very disturbing. And the uncharacteristic typos in the post show how angry you must’ve been while writing.
Well, I really have to appreciate the courage it has taken for you and others like you to come out in the open and talk about these incidents….i know cause there is a close friend of mine who had to face such shit at a young age…..and i remember that even her parents did not believe her!!! Well, even though the Blank Noise Project is doing a great job, I still think that there has to be a change to such “activism” – cause thats how I see it…I mean, not all men are evil….portraying such an idea is just going to make us all the more alienated….i know it is based on experiences..but ppl are changing….men are better…atleast in the cities….how is it that in all my friends, I have not ONE of them ever do something crappy like this?? He wouldn’t have been my friend otherwise, its true…but still…..
and surely, the only reason why we have these kind of lecherous loons walking around is because of their childhood….the segregation that goes on in schools…the crap that they show in movies….tease a girl 3 times and she will fall in love with you…
juss dunno what to say…felt sick after reading it…but the question which comes to ever ones mind is why?…why so many incidents in India?…we are so proud of our culture, “prehistoric” history and label ourself as spiritual society…as usual no social ill / phenomenon has one straight answer…multiplicity of factors…1) sexual repression…i feel is the prime factor 2)Paternalistic society where women is something to be possessed/owned or need to be controlled 3)Totally insensitive law and order machinery especially our police force and creaking judicial system…which means the perperator is confident that there are no repurcussions of his actions and will go scotfree
ironic…isn’t it….how in a country where we’re so concerned about attatching the term “mother” or “sister” as a mark of repect, we go about and humiliate someone else’s mothers and sister….
“maa ka doodh” anyone???
Makes me ashamed to be a male in this country….
congratulations to all the women here who are learning to stand up and “SAY NO”
a very pretty woman is at barista. the waiter who is very handsome checks her out unabashedly. the woman enjoys the admiration. 10 minutes later, she leaves the barista and heads towards the auto stand where one auto driver also checks her out. she feels violated and harassed.
seriously is it not hypocrisy at play here. if you disagree, try this out in real life.
My problem is exactly the question two of the commenters above have raised. Why does this happen in India? Why do men think they can do this? Not do this and get away with this, but harass in the first place? What makes them want to do it and what makes them do it? That it is what men do just does not fly. Men don’t do this in America or Canada as one of your commenters said. So it’s not gender, it is culture. What in our culture says to men women are to be treated as objects of desire and nothing more?
And this is a country that deifies women. A few years ago one of my American colleagues asked me if we celebrated Mothers’ Day in India and I said, in India women are respected and worshipped so much that everyday is practially Mothers’ Day – we don’t have a special day for it. A naive response, I agree. But she almost fell off her chair laughing. “Isn’t India where they burn girls if they don’t pay dowry?” she asked. That put me in my place.
I was of the view that these instances happen rarely but reading the various Blogs on Black Noise, I think its much more common place and some of the incidents are raelly horrifying. 🙁
I have been reading the comments also and most of us are wondering – Why it happens in India?
I think that despite the economic advancement or progress or whatever you like to call it, women are not treated equal to men. As Sujatha said – They are still treated as mere objects of desire’.
Until that happens, things will hardly change. Black Noise is a very nobel idea in increasing the awareness levels.
wanted despretatly to be part of blanknoise , din’t know how to get through…this is my way i guess
http://firecrackerzz-firecracker.blogspot.com/
regards
smilez
Wishing you a Happy Women’s day
What do I say? I have just said a lot of things I have never mentioned to anyone before… wil it make a difference? I don’t know… I can only hope the women stand up and say NO form now… and know it is not about them, their bodies or breasts…
Ammani, typos maybe because I haven’t read this post after I wrote and posted it in one angry huff. I can’t read it again…
Micheal and others, yes, if I need to drive, I need to learn, I will. but this time I will get a female instructor… for a long time, I wondered if I had imagined it, till I mentioned this to a friend living in the same area, and she said, oh, that guy? yes, he is a creep… that’s the worst thing – sometimes you are not even sure…
ya, we deify women so we can defile her when it suits us – which is at every step…
and for js and others, again I ask, where does one draw the line between “harmless” checking out and unwanted attention that makes the woman uncomfortable? and what if a woman is ok with guy checking her out and not the other… because she is ok with one guy’s attention, it is assumed she is om for anything with anyone who chooses? give me a break.
Everytime I hear about this I feel like flogging these dogs. Horrible bastards….
pls. file IPC 498a on such husbands. That is the only solution. It worked wonderfully for me.
IPC 498a is a weapon not only to handle husband but also whole is family.
We have enough wars already without a war on checking out women. For some single men that may be the brightest thing in their life.
Grow a bigger skin to shut out the ‘staring’ noise. Try rare egg yolk. Sure, there are extreme examples but let’s not use the to pursue some agenda against men. Yes, men have feelings like you do to and no doubt they are feeling crappy in this world right now. As George Bush said in his recent press conference “Ware times are not happy times..”. I would urge everyone to spread the compassion. Divide-and-conquer on race, colour, religion, sex isn’t going to unify us.
Hi Charu,
whatever you experienced is most certainly not rare or unusual in places like Delhi and a bevy of small cities.Whats ever the more unnerving is that such cases have become extremely frequent.I have a cousin who experienced the same indecent and abhorrent behaviour while getting on a bus…it happened in the flash of a second and even before she could react to it,that disgusting man was out of sight.I wish that man could be punished severly because it is these deplorable and ignoramus creatures who make us regret being born as a WOMAN at times.I am glad that women like us who have suffered it either first hand or have seen it happenning around us,now have a platform to express our angst and disgust.I wish ALL Indian men could come to terms with the fact that women are EQUAL and deserve respect….i wish this awareness drive becomes a revolution!
whatever you experienced is most certainly not rare or unusual in places like Delhi and a bevy of small cities.Whats ever the more unnerving is that such cases have become extremely frequent.I have a cousin who experienced the same indecent and abhorrent behaviour while getting on a bus…it happened in the flash of a second and even before she could react to it,that disgusting man was out of sight.I wish that man could be punished severly because it is these deplorable and ignoramus creatures who make us regret being born as a WOMAN at times.I am glad that women like us who have suffered it either first hand or have seen it happenning around us,now have a platform to express our angst and disgust.I wish ALL Indian men could come to terms with the fact that women are EQUAL and deserve respect….i wish this awareness drive becomes a revolution!
its really shocking to read about all this. i too have many incidents to tell. when i was 15 years old i was going home from school after my special classes. one man stopped front of me opened his pant removed his penis and started shagging. he started calling me. i was so scared as i was alone.